Tradition's a powerful binding force. Custom can, in circumstances, take on the force of law to the extent that if something is not permitted by custom, it's taboo. This can be troublesome - or it can actually be rather reassuring.
Consider, if you will, the customs and mores of a heirarchial system like the military. Many of them are based on the UCMJ, many more have been developed over the years as a means of getting people from all walks of life and all varieties of interests and ranks to function together as a cohesive whole with a minimum of interpersonal friction. You HAVE to have a structure that can provide a social lubricant (so to speak) so the system operates well.
Consider the rules you live under daily. If you go up or down stairs, you stay to the right. If you drive, you observe traffic laws. Take an elevator, and you let people off before you get on. What benefit do you get from observing those rules? They provide a structure for social interaction, a framework of expectations. If you're driving along and you stop at a light, you expect cross traffic to stop when the light changes so you can go. You take turns, and everyone gets where they're going. The guy who ignores the light has the potential to harm much more than his own vehicle, so the impetus is there to obey the law.
Customs and law provide a framework for society. There's certain expectations about how you're supposed to act in public, and though there's folks who take a childish delight in ignoring those expectations (letting a swinging door slam in the face of a little old lady with packages is a real side-splitter) by and large people behave pretty well towards each other. You try to be honest, or at least I do, and I'm trying to teach the little guy the same, because honesty DOES seem to be the best policy long-term. Deal with others fairly, and they'll deal fairly with you - pretty much. Being polite when talking with folks both in person and on line makes sense - because people will pretty much treat you the way you treat them. (That's something that a lot of folks never seem to pick up.) And I'll admit that I've sometimes not lived up to that standard.
That doesn't stop me from trying, however. I'm not the person I want to be - but I'm a hell of a lot further along than I was thirty years back.
All the rules, from simple things like how to use a fork properly at the dinner table to obeying traffic laws to cultural conditioning against random murder are designed to enable large numbers of people to fit together as painlessly as possible. Sure, they curtail individual freedoms in some cases - but in return they provide certain expectations of reciprocal behavior that allow folks to get along. And we abandon them at our risk.
You see that happen a lot on-line. People are anonymous - they can post whatever sort of garbage they want if they happen to disagree with someone's opinion. Message boards like the one here are particularly bad - anyone trying to post accurate information is leapt upon by folks posting, um, interesting sorts of stuff. (It does ebb and flow - look for the 'strong sells'.) You also see it on political boards a lot, and depending on your orientation you can find the hate speech on either the left or the right of the spectrum. (BTW, what I see referred to as 'hate speech' usually takes the form of disagreement with the stated slant of the board, not stuff like "You're ugly, and your mother dresses you funny.")
Disagreement doesn't equal hate, sorry. Neither does it equal censorship. The Dixie Chicks are screaming about censorship, because they think GWB's an idiot and don't mind making it known. Hey, it's a free country and I've got no problems with that. They also are trashing the audience that would supposedly buy their music, saying they'd rather have a few cool fans instead of a bunch of rednecks - and that's fine by me. What I have a problem with is when they start complaining that not playing their music is censorship - especially seeing the stations that play their music seem to get a fair number of complaints, and since the media relies on ratings... well, unless you're looking to depress your ratings why would you play music the listeners didn't like? (Hmmm. You know, that strikes me as odd - if everyone's against Bush, you'd think there'd be more call for their music... But I digress.)
One thing about real life is that actions have consequences. You break the rules (written and unwritten) and there can be a reaction. Speed in front of a cop, and get a ticket. Be rude to someone to their face, and you'll not gain their affection. On-line, however, the normal social courtesies aren't mandatory. You insult someone, and you're anonymous - there's no repercussion.
And that eventually leaks over into your personal life. If you're lucky, it won't leak over much.
One of my favorite lines from the movies is from "Buckaroo Banzai" (a quirky little film, you ought to see it...) uttered by John Bigboote' - "Integrity is who you are in the dark." When the only limits you have on you are those you've placed yourself - when nobody can watch you - what will you do? How will you behave? Do you chafe at the strictures of society, limiting the things you can do, or do the structures provide you a comfortable framework to lead your life?
It's tempting at times to throw off the rules. And I'll admit I've done that a few times - done things that (in retrospect) seemed a lot more attractive before they were done than after. Sometimes the best way to find out why a particular rule or custom exists is by disregarding it, and living through the results. You can learn a lot from your mistakes, usually.
So before you think it good to tear down something, it might be a good idea to take a long, close look at it - and figure out why it's there in the first place. Customs tend to come into being so everyone knows what's going on. Civility is the grease that keeps our gears from grinding. Abandoning civility doesn't make you edgy, doesn't make you hip, doesn't make you cool - it just makes you look like someone trying to throw sand in the gears.
And in closing, I'll leave you with the eloquent words of A Jacksonian on civility - whether it be on-line or interpersonal...
Dumb Looks Still Free: Commenting Rules
Suzie - By forgetting civility in conversation we lose the Civilization our predecessors fought so hard to gain. I do not mind *reasoned* disagreement since that is honorable and still allows for friendship through that understanding.
That is why I like the 1632 series (out of many) a Catholic Priest and a Methodist Minister disagree about much, but share in their joy of fixing cars. And they learn to ease up on their disagreements until it becomes a means of jest and easing tension. Civility and understanding are the ties that bind society together. We fray them at our peril.
I've never minded reasoned disagreement here. In fact, I welcome it (as Jason and Rawb are aware...) but reasoned disagreement and the respect it shows for those on the opposing side just isn't as common as it used to be.
J.